Change is the only constant in the Universe .. we change with every breath and every heartbeat every second, every minute, every hour, every day.
As a child we loved change. We couldn’t wait until we were big enough or old enough to do something … and then somewhere along the line we allowed other people to cause us to withdraw our energy. We became fearful or stuck.
So why did we do this to ourselves? Typically, it is because we find we have something we think we can lose and that makes us what to hang on with all our might.
The truth is, every single thing changes every minute. Now, at first the changes are miniscule and we don’t really notice them .. over time we notice but not every day. So in a relationship, if one person is changing rapidly you may notice it sooner and if you aren’t changing you don’t keep up and that can create a divide.
The other reason we resist change is we think we know it all and then we aren’t open to other ideas or input. Imagine if people like Thomas Edison didn’t pursue change, we would all be watching TV by candlelight. Or if the Wright brothers didn’t keep trying to fly, or if the various people who created automobiles .. or personal computers or cell phones.. or how about curling irons and flat irons and hot rollers .. what about the microwave and convection ovens? You see everything changes .. so why do you resist?
Another reason is people are afraid to be a beginner and make a mistake learning so they don’t even try. So, when did you stop giving yourself permission to change your mind or try again? You didn’t stop learning to walk to use a fork. You didn’t stop learning to read or write or do math. To be good at anything, you need practice and that practice takes hours. It has nothing to do with failure .. it is about fine tuning.
Like when I try a new recipe… the first time I follow the instructions as I interpret them. Then I evaluate and tweak and do it again. And somewhere between times 3-10, I get it exactly like want it. I’ve figured out the nuances, the variables and my preferences.
My point is, I don’t give up and I’m not afraid to try. So where are you afraid to be a beginner in your life? And ask yourself this .. why do you feel you need to be a master at anything when you are not willing to do the work? Have you put in the 10,000 hours necesary to master something or do you give up in the first 30 minutes?
Now when it comes to knowing change is coming … it always starts out small. You feel something needs to be different. Like a restlessness … for me it will start with a need to change something … like clean out a drawer or hang a picture … then it will move into something like changing the nail polish color I’ve worn for years or getting new make-up or new glasses or new clothes. It can then progress in to painting the walls or getting a new rug or a new wardrobe … or slightly more dramatic like a new hair color or hair style. And sometimes it shows up in a really big way, like a new job, a new home, a new relationship … even if that one is with yourself.
This is a time for reflection .. what am I really sensing and wanting to be different and WHY? Where do I feel it in my body and how is it manifesting in my life. What do I want from these changes? What is the underlyign emotion.
So .. here’s been my experiences over the past 4 months.
I was bored with my clothes and not happy with how I looked. I bought new clothes and that gave me a temporary sense of happiness. I visited with friends and family and they helped me find things that looked good one me. So what was I after? I wanted to feel good in my body and how I presented myself to the outside world. My why was when I feel like I look good, I feel good. When I feel good, I attract good and happy to me.
I was frustrated with how I was wanting to cook, and not having the right tools. So, I focused on what I was wanting to do, bought the new kitchen tools and started cooking/baking up a storm. So what was I after? Ease. I wanted ease in the kitchen. I know how energy flows and I didn’t want to imprint the food I was preparing with frustration, I wanted to infuse it with love .. me being less frustrated made me happy and made for happy food.
I woke up on day and HATED my hair. HATED it … and for those of you who know me, you know I don’t go here very often. But here I was in total HATE and loathing for my hair. Having recentlt moved, I still hadn’t found my sylist … I had gone to someone who did an OK job, but not what I wanted. I ended up stripping the color myself, found a picture of what I wanted and found a new stylist. She did an OK job, but only half of what I wanted, telling me it was a process. But after 3 visits and no progress toward the look I wanted, I found yet another stylist who listened to me and did what I wanted. So what was I after? My why is to show up authentically as me … I had outgrown my days of coloring my hair and I am OK with my hair as I am now. To do that meant a major undoing of what I had been doing trying to hide who I really am. It feels good to show up as me as I am.
I changed my nail polish color of many years from orange to a red and liked it at first and then I didn’t, so I changed it again. So what was I after? I wanted to change because I thought I needed to. The really is, I’m happy with my orange color and if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
I changed all my make-up .. So what was I after? I was after skin care products that worked on my body as it is now. I wanted organic and I wanted to buy from a company that has core beliefs that supported my own. I voted for them with my purchases .. and I love how my skin feels with I use them. Happy skin, happy me.
I bought a new car – even though my vehicle was a 2021 .. I felt like I was settling because it didn’t have 2 features that were very important to me .. so I sold the 2021 and bought a 2022 model. So what was I after? I didn’t want to settle. Period. I didn’t want to settle. It cost me $5,000 to change vehicles and I was OK with that because I got what I wanted, gave myself permission to make a change and then took the action step of change. OMG I love this one!
All because I am willing to be a beginner, I’m willing to try and I refuse to settle for less than what I want. Now there is a difference between settle for less and compromising for a healthy relationship. And it’s important to know the difference. For me, this is about me and the times when I don’t have anyone else who is involved in this decision. It is between me, my body and my wallet. It is important to my self-esteem.
Hugs and Love, Leslie