The beautiful, sensitive inner child … and, yes, the inner child is real. Not as a physical being separate from you … but as an aspect of you. The inner child starts with any issue that goes unresolved. The true reality is, we have more than one inner child. When any childhood issues go unresolved, we stuff them down. When we stuff them down, they manifest in our adult world as behavioral, emotional or physical issues and can result in relationship difficulties. The sad truth is, most of us are unaware that these issues stem from our unsolved issues that have created the inner child.
Becoming an “adult” means that we acknowledge, accept, and take responsibility for loving and parenting our own inner child. Many of us deny, neglect, disparage, abandon and reject our inner child and then wonder why we can’t move past certain things, why we resist things we claim we want, why certain patterns repeat or loop in our lives.
You may have been taught that you must “grow up”, “put childish things behind you”, “act like an adult” and yet no one ever truly explained what that really means or how to do it. So many of us, simply “stuff” the emotions, clam up or shut down. You may have been taught that your inner child represents your child-like capacity for innocence, wonder, awe, joy, sensitivity, and playfulness … and that to grow up you have to stifle quarantine or even kill the inner child.
The reality is, your inner child does embrace, comprise, and potentiate these positive qualities AND also accumulates all your childhood hurts, traumas, fears, angers, disappointments and the misunderstanding of how you interpreted what you experienced and felt. We can create an inner child at any age, although most of the ones we create are before the age 5.
So how does this look in your world?
If you haven’t acknowledged, accepted, and taken responsibly for your inner child, you are being unconsciously influenced by or covertly controlled by your unconscious inner child. It is not the adult self who is running your life, it is the emotional wounded inner child … much like a five-year-old running around in your 30+ year old body … it is a hurt, angry, fearful little girl (or boy) calling the shots with so much misinformation and then trying to make adult decisions. So, imagine a 5-year-old going out to do a man or woman’s job, trying to have a grown-up relationship or live independently. A child trying to cope with adult responsibilities can easily feel overwhelmed, anxious, insecure, afraid, interior, small, lost, lonely .. .to name a few. They general fall apart or have tremendous struggle and wonder why they can’ seem to get it together. How else would any child feel having to fend for themselves in an adult works without proper parental supervision, protection, structure, and support? That’s how your inner child feels when it gets triggered. And when you have multiple unresolved inner child emotional trauma loops running at the same time, it is a new form of insanity.
So how do we deal with this inner child running amuck in our life?
We start by becoming conscious of our inner child. Then we learn to take our inner child seriously and to consciously communicate with that little girl (or boy) within. To listen to how she or he feels and what she or he needs from us here and now. That little child needs the parenting, love, acceptance, protection, nurturance, understanding and safety. All the things you did not experience at that time. The answer is not in trying to get others to fulfill those needs for us, but in us resolving what we did not get at the time.
What we didn’t get from our parents and caretakers as children must be confronted in the present, painful though it may be. All the past traumas, sadness, disappointments, and depression cannot be changed. They can, however, be acknowledged, processed, upgraded, integrated and the trauma released so they can be accepted.
Your parents and caretakers did the best they could with what they had at that point in time and most likely never dealt with their own inner child. So how could they show you what they were never taught or perhaps never even knew existed? Those days are gone and what was done is done. And while we can’t go back and give you that totally perfect completely fulfilled childhood, we can help you heal, reprogram and communicate with your inner child.
Now, please understand
You are NOT broken! You are perfectly imperfect and more powerful than you know
We are all more powerful that we know. When you are ready and willing to do your inner work, it isn’t a complicated procedure. It just takes getting in a quiet still mental place, call in your inner child and then talk to her/him. Your dialog with your inner child is to make them feel safe, loved, heard, told it wasn’t their fault and they didn’t deserve it, apologize, forgive, thanks, acknowledgment, and integration. The key points are below. If you want a guided meditation or more information, just reach out to me.
I love you – What you thought you needed to accomplish to ‘win’ your parents affection and love was false. You may not have had parents who told you deserved love or were loved or loveable .. but that doesn’t make their lack of words to you real or true .. it simply means they didn’t know themselves and had little to do with you. You are lovable you do deserve love and only you know how to give you the love you need. So tell yourself I love you .. often. If these words are hard for you to say and feel, then tell yourself .. may I love you
I hear you –You have to give voice to all the pain you have stuffed as a child and continue to stuff now. The feelings don’t go away until they are given a voice and feel heard. They will continue to affect your choices and your health. Simply by saying I hear you … we’ll work through this together its going to be ok will be a huge step in the right direction.
You didn’t deserve this – As a child you did not deserve to be abused, abandoned, or shamed. You were not a bad kid just because you did something the adult didn’t agree with. All children are innocent and pure and do not deserve the mistreatment. As an adult you can see that, as the child you did not.
I’m sorry – You don’t have to be an overachiever or stressed out or continue to just take what others throw your way. You don’t have to push yourself so hard, criticize yourself or be hard on yourself ..tell your inner child you are sorry – that she didn’t deserve to be pushed so hard as a child .. allow yourself downtime, quiet time, alone time and time with loved ones
I forgive you – as things come up that you blame yourself for such as your parents divorce or fighting or a parent leaving or being sad or dying .. it wasn’t your fault .. you were a child you were not and are not responsibility for their lives or behaviors so lighten up and give yourself a break
Thank you – your inner child never gave up .. she (or he) got you through the tough moments in life .. so thank her (or him) for her or his strength and perseverance
You did your best – when you let go of perfection, the fear of failure dissolves … then you can allow yourself to experiment and see how things unfold
Hugs and Love, Leslie